Today I couldn't do it

Poem

Photo by Philip Davis on Unsplash

The endless beeping of the scanner
Neatly packing your items
into flimsy paper bags
My smile feels fake and forced

Ashes floating and falling
Their remnants left upon my clothing 

It’s time to put on my face
It’s only 6 hours 

I hear that beeping in my head
The crinkle of another paper bag
Those eyes in the rear view mirror
Horrified eyes

And the thoughts 
They tell me I’m worthless
They tell me I’m a failure
Because I can’t do it today

But now I sit 
Sit staring into the open ocean
I dig my heels into 
the tightly packed grains of sand
And listen 

The wind, the seagulls, 
the crash of the waves
All whispering
Whispering something beyond words
Something just loud enough to hush 
my thoughts