I wasn't right

Short Story

Photo by Gian Reichmuth on Unsplash

I think I almost killed a guy once. Or at least got as close to killing as I’d like to.

I wasn’t in my right mind, I know that much.

Yeah, I used to think that those mental hospitals and psychiatrists were all bad, just a bunch of nonsense, drug pushers and money hungry corporations. But I think they probably ain’t all bad after seeing some things in my life.

That guy lived in the apartment next door to us. Me and my ex. It was at the end of things and she got me all in the wrong way. I was drinking and smoking more pot than usual, but I reckon I shouldn’t blame it on that stuff, I just wasn’t right, maybe heart broke or something. But my head wasn’t right.

See, he worked at one of them mental hospitals as a orderly or guard, whatever you call ‘em. He was a big guy, tall, and broad shouldered. Must of been the second time I talked to him, he went on about how he had herpes. Brought out the pill bottle with his name on it and everything.

I know it wasn’t right, but all I could think was damn boy, wrap that dick up. But I nodded.

“Oh, that sucks man.”

He claimed his woman gave it to him, like that mattered.

We heard ‘em fighting through the walls a lot. I knew our little relationship was a bit disfunctional, and we had some bad nights, but this kinda yellin’ and arguing made me think maybe we didn’t have it too bad.

Well that day he coulda died or I coulda killed him must have been in the Fall or Winter time.

See, I was just coming home and he comes out his door and I could tell he was what you might call distraught.

Like I say, I wasn’t in my right mind. She hadn’t fucked me in months. It wears on a man when he be working hard to bring home a living, but ain’t got no love to show for it. I never could understand women’s perspective on us guys. They say we just pigs, just because we wanna fuck. To me when you love someone it just natural. But women, at least the ones I loved, fuck a lot at first, get your dick stuck in a sort of venus flytrap, then they love dries up, but they keep that cock of yours. Men need some love, or they head ain’t right to live.

But maybe I’m just making excuses you see. I know I wasn’t right though.

The neighbor invites me in and he going on about how his girl is pregnant. I’m thinking, you sure it even yours? But I just listen and nod. He thinking she gonna abort that baby, and he’s all, like I said, distraught.

Well, what happened was that he starts going on about this plan of his. It ain’t make no sense at all. But I wasn’t right and he wasn’t right.

He talking all about he gonna drink just a bit of bleach. And then I was supposed to call the cops.

I think his idea was that she may see how important this baby was to him, and this lil bit of bleach might just make her keep that baby.

I wasn’t right. I just kept nodding. I’m not sure, but I think I thought I was being a good friend. If he thought it would work, well let’s see bud.

Fuck it.

He went on and brought out that big plastic bottle of bleach, measured out his dose, then looked me in the eyes.

I don’t even know if I had a soul left. Not even sure the thoughts crossed my mind to talk him down. I just assured him I’d call 911 and that he would see his baby. I wasn’t right.

He paused for just a moment, as if his own thoughts were fighting him.

Then tipped his head back and took a shot of that hot bleach.

I couldn’t tell if he was exaggerating or not, but he went down to the floor as soon as he swallowed.

I wonder how many seconds I stood looking down at him struggling, moaning.

I did call though. He didn’t die.

They asked me if I saw him drink it. I remember lying, but I’m pretty sure my raised voice gave me away.

I saw him again months later. I guess he had to stay at one of those mental hospitals for a while. Same place he used to work.

I didn’t ask about the baby or the girl or the herpes.

I took him down Route 11 to the strip club he liked. He was trying to get with one of the strippers, and she wanted some weed, but he ain’t got none. They both climbed in my old car and I let her hit what I had and then left her a bud for later. Maybe I thought it was right. One night of love for that guy who I almost killed.